Sunday, October 01, 2006

"My thoughts" vs. my actions

Whenever I find something out there in the world that coincides with my own thoughts, a kind of excited vindication, or vindicated excitement, takes over me, and I feel strengthened and happy - I'm not crazy or wandering lost in the woods. I can think! I obviously am!

Last weekend, G-ma, S and I took a field trip up to JP to visit M, and we visited her school, a lovingly renovated old Catholic school, complete with large crosses outside and immaculated polished linoleum hallways, wide stairs, and brightly-painted classrooms. On the wall, on the first floor, among other quotes from famous people, were the words:

" 'Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will control your life and you will call it fate.' -- Carl Jung"


I was amazed at these words, how succinctly they captured what I have been trying to do for almost ten years. I had never conceived of this idea so neatly captured and explained. I stood in front of it and memorized it. Later in the week, while I walked around the bike path pondering a birthday present for my sister, it came to me: I will print it in a beautiful font, on handmade paper, in an elaborate frame. I will mail it to her with a box of Weight Watchers chocolate cakes, only 2 points each, and I will name the gift "The secret of my success"! She'll love it, and call me crazy. We will be the same age for two weeks, then my year ends, and I will be an even number again.


Excerpt from a letter to a friend:
> I have been so busy at work that I am very tired
> when I get home. I do not love my job - basically I
> run reports and send them out via email - but it
> pays the bills, so I continue with it. I try to
> spend my free time doing things I like to do, not
> wasting time, so that on balance, I am getting to
> live like I want to at least some of the time. One
> of the women that I worked with left to work at
> another company, so while my boss looked for someone
> to replace her, the other woman I work with and I
> split up the extra work. Then, my boss left - two
> weeks ago - to work at another company, so now we
> are reporting to a different boss in Irvine, CA. I
> am realizing that my old boss buffered me a lot from
> phone calls and requests for things that I am now
> receiving directly, and it's pretty stressful. As I
> said, I don't love this job, so giving my heart and
> soul to it is just not going to happen. I figure I
> can quit in 10 years - my younger daughter will be
> out of college in 6 years, and I'll need another 4
> to pay off my part of the loans. Then - who knows?
> But I'm sure I will have a new career of some kind.


> Last night, my daughter and I, my sister and her
> daughter, went to see two comedians at my daughter's
> high school - a fundraiser for their prom next year,
> and for a charitable project that the school
> sponsors: building schools and a hospital in a town
> in Paraguay called Tobati. The comedians were very
> funny, and we had a great time. I had won 2 tickets
> from a radio station about a month ago to see the
> Boston Red Sox last night, but because of the show,
> and because my husband was hosting his first poker
> night with his friends from work, we couldn't go. I
> tried to give them to my older daughter, who is
> living in Boston now, but coincidentally she already
> had tickets, and was going with 3 friends of hers!
> My parents, who haven't been to Fenway Park in ages,
> were visting my other sister in Minnesota, so I gave
> the tickets to my old boss, as a going-away gift. I
> did see that the Red Sox won, and my husband won the
> main pot at the poker game, so we all had a good
> time last night!


There were many 'firsts' or significant events that day (Friday, September 29, 2006):

- As I said in the letter, I had won tickets to the Red Sox game from WTIC, and I really wanted to go, but felt obligated to attend the fundraiser/comedy night at S's school, and also obligated to help my husband prepare the food - an authentic Mexican repast - for his poker night, first time hosted at our house. My ex-boss was thrilled to get the tickets - I remarked that the team was going nowhere this year, and who knows who would pitch, but as he said, "I don't care - it's Fenway."

- The fundraiser/comedy night, featuring Jim Colliton, was a very pleasant night out with the girls - another first (for me) - dinner at Cosi, in WH Center. When was the last time you laughed for two hours?

- Ego strokes - I made Alton Brown's Overnight Cinnamon Rolls again, this time for S's advisee group (aka homeroom). This phrase is overused in the world, but these rolls are TO DIE FOR! and well worth the effort. I made S tell me twice how good the kids thought the rolls were, and how messy, and how she brought napkins, too. [I sincerely believe my daughters thrive because AND in spite of me!] Technically, this was not a first, but it was noteworthy, and I did make the dough and shape the rolls the night before, but they were baked on Friday. Remember, this is a list of things that happened on Friday.

- I actually took a day off from work. It was like heaven, even though I spent it making flan de queso for J's party, dusting & vacuuming the LR, and cleaning the bathroom. I also came up with a new decorating project - I'm going to tile the top of the black triange table in the LR, to make it more southwestern, to fit in with the rest of the room.

OK, it's a pretty short list, but compared to my usual Friday (go to work, go to jukido, watch "Numbers", go to bed), it was pretty exciting.

My love to the world,

T

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